Yesterday my world came to an end. When you died, I died. You were my everything, my rock, my light, my compass, my entire universe. I can’t stop crying. I don’t know how to breath without you. I don’t want to do this without you. I don’t want to LEARN to do this without you. I just want you back. I hurt so much. I am so scared. I am so angry. God, this hurts so much.
This time last week we were happy, everything was normal. Now you are gone and everything is wrong. Food makes me nauseous. Your side of the bed is cold. Your not tickling me annoyingly just to hear me laugh and then whine. When I reach over to touch you, your arm isn’t there. I miss your kiss, your smell, your teasing, your need to sit on the toilet for a half hour at a time. I want you back so badly. I can’t do this without you.
How do I keep living without half my soul? I keep trying to convince myself that we are just going back to when we were long distance. But thats such a joke. We texted every day, skyped every night, visited every few weeks. For nearly three years. And THAT was hell! After more than another three years of living together… you became everything. Now I have nothing. All of our plans and dreams are gone. You’re gone.
Why didn’t we just get married. Why did I have to insist on a special wedding. I look at the beautiful ring on my finger and I am so mad you never got to put a band next to it. I am angry for every moment we took for granted. I feel short changed. Everyone tells amazing stories about you and I wanted a lifetime to create our own. I have no memories in this city without you. You are everywhere I go. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.
I just want you back. Please come back. I hurt so much.
I miss you. I love you. Always. Forever.